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However, we cannot monitor the entire Services and make no attempt to do so.

There’s some sense behind the new rules, because the roster also includes things like Xbox Live, which has chat features that are used by morons to bully and harass fellow gamers.

When our customer service agents are dealing with a high level of live chat enquiries, we will remove the service for a short period of time so that you are not left waiting for a response.

As soon as the volume has dropped, the service will automatically appear again.

Please go to the relevant part of the website to find what you want: If there’s an immediate threat to health and safety, phone one of our emergency numbers.

As would asking Bing to look up “Simon Sharwood of The Register is sh*t” or telling Cortana to “f*ck off” if it somehow caused offense.

If you need to speak to someone you can call us on the telephone numbers below.

When you call our call centre you will be asked to select the service you need.

Smut and foul language also have no business at education.minecraft.net, the classroom-friendly edition of the uber-popular Minecraft.

The Register asked Microsoft if the new legalese was intended to stop people swearing on Skype or in Word or One Drive files.

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